Six

I don’t know why people keep inviting themselves into my life as advisors. I don’t ask for it. I don’t put myself out there and draw attention to my circumstances, but you can bet, that any time an ill word is mentioned regarding me or my life, someone sticks their haughty nose in to comment. The only damned thing they ever say is, “Why don’t you leave?” or “I don’t know how you’ve stood it for so long.” or “What’s keeping you there?” The people who get on the domestic violence crusades are the worst. I mean, it’s one thing for Joe Blow to comment on something he doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground about, but when you have professionals - trained people in the field of domestic violence advocacy - making asinine comments, it’s enough to make you want to snap their necks right off their bodies. Why in the fuck can’t they understand that the very last thing I need in my life are more questions?

And why do the fuckwits always ask the same question - why don’t you leave? Bitch, why should *I* have to leave? Why can't the mother fucker be held accountable for the shit *he* does instead of *me* being held accountable for just trying to live something that remotely resembles a life? How come nobody ever asks, “Why does he abuse?” or “Why is he like he is?” or “Why hasn’t he died yet?” Why is it always thrown back on the victims of these bastards? Why are *we* expected to run, but nothing is ever expected of them? All that does is send the message that, hey - how you are and what you do is A-OK. You don't have to change. If she doesn't like it, she can leave. Why are women expected to cart themselves and their children off to live in group squalor surrounded by strangers and who the hell knows what else - for their 'safety'? Why can't these bastards - these animals - be locked up in a god damned cage until they either complete the transition into a beast or decide to act in a humane manner? But no. No, it's the innocents who are expected to uproot themselves, their families, their lives as they know them - to further coddle, aide, abet, and enable the sadistic behavior that has held them captive for so many years, again driving home the message that treating people the way they do is acceptable.

To these people who ask the asinine questions, I've found the best way to respond is to look them square in the eye and ask, "How?" If they give me some bullshit like, "You take your kids and you go", well, they're going to be wishing, and in short order, too - that they hadn't just said that to me. Because telling me to leave isn't enough. I want to know what the fuck I'm supposed to do when I go, where I'm supposed to go, and how in the hell do they expect me to live when I get there. For anybody out there who is ill informed or grossly misguided on the facts of the matter, let me clear up some myths for you. First and foremost - it costs money to live. You have to have a job in order to have money. You have to have a babysitter in order to have a job. You have to have money to pay the babysitter - and you have to have enough left to pay your bills after you do. You have to have a place to stay. A place to stay costs money. Rinse, repeat.

You don't get hired making any kind of money above minimum wage unless you are degreed in something. Explain to me, because I just don't understand, how in the good and holy fuck people think a female raising two kids alone can survive making $5.15 an hour. $206 a week before taxes, friends. A paltry $824 a month, before taxes. For rent. For food. For utilities. For what the hell ever else comes up in life. Social services, you say? If you have a job when you apply for food stamps, your benefits are greatly decreased. You might end up with $50 a month from that. Can you feed a family of three on $50 a month? Public housing, you say? Where do they live for the two to twelve years that they'll be on the waiting list - hoping, but never having been assured - that their name will come to the top of it? Oh, child support? Well, what in the meantime until that kicks in - *if* it kicks in and the son of a bitch decides to actually pay it? Call the Domestic Violence Hotline that they show on TV? And get a referral to a place that cancels - not once, but twice - the appointments you made with them to seek help and guidance.

Then there are the people who will say, "Why don't you make him leave?" Gee. Why didn't *I* think of that! I mean, shoot, it's so terribly, fuckin' easy to just shove the bastard out the door and lock it that I don't know *why* I haven't done it already. "Call the cops and have them do it. Get a protective order." The courts won't grant a protective order against a person you're living with, nor will they remove that person from their home - when it's just as much theirs as it is yours. There is not as much help out there as people think there is. And there is absolutely no worse feeling in the world than being in a position of needing help and knowing you don't have it. The courts, the states, the odds - they're all against the victims. It's not enough that they are victims of the very people who promised to love them. They are victimized over and over again every time they reach out.